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04-09-2010, 01:05 PM
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(Thread Starter) |   Not Ranked : 0 score  Chuck Norris FACTS! Here it is folks, post away your Chuck Facts!!! I'll start: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was based on a true story. Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he shit it out, it was six feet tall and knew Karate...
__________________ -- 2010 MazdaSpeed3 - Current Mod(s): Ventus V12's, CP-E RMM, CS SRI, CS TIP, JBR Stage 2 SSP, 35% Tint, COBB AP, COBB XLE BPV - Planned Mod(s): JBR Knob, JBR Rear Sway, PMM, CS HPFP (Please), CS Catback, CS TMIC, Driver Mod, Cawk Mod
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04-09-2010, 01:20 PM
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| Not Ranked : 0 score  Chuck Norris facts, BAAH! How about Gary Busey Facts! Gary Busey has binocular vision. 
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04-09-2010, 01:34 PM
| #3 | |
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04-09-2010, 01:35 PM
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(Thread Starter) | Not Ranked : 0 score Meh... With Gary Busey, they're just jokes... lol Some people wear Superman Pajama's. Superman wear's Chuck Norris Pajama's...
__________________ -- 2010 MazdaSpeed3 - Current Mod(s): Ventus V12's, CP-E RMM, CS SRI, CS TIP, JBR Stage 2 SSP, 35% Tint, COBB AP, COBB XLE BPV - Planned Mod(s): JBR Knob, JBR Rear Sway, PMM, CS HPFP (Please), CS Catback, CS TMIC, Driver Mod, Cawk Mod
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04-09-2010, 01:40 PM
| #5 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.
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04-09-2010, 01:50 PM
| #6 | |
| ALL-IN.  Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Alberta
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Amongst the medical community, the technical term for "death" is "Chuck Norris Disease". Chuck Norris divides by zero. |
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04-09-2010, 02:07 PM
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| Not Ranked : 0 score chuck norris is always on top during sex b/c chuck norris does not fuck up there used to be chuck norris toilet paper. It's production stopped when they found out it wouldn't take shit from anyone chuck norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird ghosts are the result of chuck norris killing ppl faster than death can process them
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04-09-2010, 02:09 PM
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| Not Ranked : 0 score chuck norris does not go hunting, because the term hunting implies the possibility of failure, chuck norris goes killing |
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04-09-2010, 04:39 PM
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(Thread Starter) | Not Ranked : 0 score Through scientific study, it has been found that Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick does not actually kill the person. It travles faster then the speed of light and through time, killing their parent's, effectively wiping them and their seed from the space time continuum.
__________________ -- 2010 MazdaSpeed3 - Current Mod(s): Ventus V12's, CP-E RMM, CS SRI, CS TIP, JBR Stage 2 SSP, 35% Tint, COBB AP, COBB XLE BPV - Planned Mod(s): JBR Knob, JBR Rear Sway, PMM, CS HPFP (Please), CS Catback, CS TMIC, Driver Mod, Cawk Mod
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04-09-2010, 04:50 PM
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Chuck Norris invented every color on the visible spectrum of light, except Pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. |
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04-09-2010, 05:08 PM
| #11 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Chuck Norris was once screwing in the cab of a semi, on the money shot, some of his man juice got into the engine bay. That semi is now known as Optimus Prime
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04-09-2010, 05:19 PM
| #12 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer... too bad he never cries Under Chuck Norris's beard, there is no chin, only another fist. I actually have the book "1000 Chuck Norris Facts"
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04-09-2010, 05:42 PM
| #13 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Chuck Norris' calender goes straight from march 31st to april 2nd...nobody fools chuck norris chuck norris does not tea bag...he potato sacks chuck norris lost his virginity before his father did
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04-09-2010, 05:43 PM
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Chuck Norris once went to the virgin islands, they are just called the islands now.
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04-09-2010, 06:01 PM
| #15 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score i hate chuck fgt norris and i was gonna be a cunt and groan this thread buttttttt these are funny jokes.
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04-09-2010, 06:27 PM
| #16 | |
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speedsixx fears for chuck norris so much that he hits thanks instead of groan. speedsixx and the boogey man check under their bed for chuck norris at night btw you are still a cunt!
__________________ 2008.5 CWP MS3 [Injen CAI] [CP-e Inlet] [ProSport BG] [M3M ETD] [CP-e HKS BOV][PGv3 Mani][CP-e Catted DP][JBarone SSP]
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04-09-2010, 06:28 PM
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04-09-2010, 06:41 PM
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Chuck Norris finished the never ending story. bwahahaahaha! |
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04-09-2010, 06:48 PM
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04-09-2010, 06:51 PM
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04-09-2010, 06:56 PM
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| Not Ranked : 0 score if you have five dollars and chuck norris has five dollars, chuck norris still has more money than you. |
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04-09-2010, 07:51 PM
| #22 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
__________________ Shane 2011 Mustang GT Premium Performance White Sync | Shacker 500 | Rapid Spec 401A | Exterior Package 5 | California Special Valance | Boss 302 Splitter | Bama Tune | Bassani Axleback |
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04-09-2010, 08:22 PM
| #23 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score fact. Chuck Norris is a badass a SOB.
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04-10-2010, 02:06 AM
| #24 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Chuck Norris can kick the back of your face! When Chuck Norris falls into water he dosent get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised (ya its old) Chuck Norris actually lives in a round house! |
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04-10-2010, 08:04 AM
| #25 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Scientist have just discovered, When Chuck Norris does a roundhouse, He doesn't move at all. Everything else moves around him.
__________________ Shane 2011 Mustang GT Premium Performance White Sync | Shacker 500 | Rapid Spec 401A | Exterior Package 5 | California Special Valance | Boss 302 Splitter | Bama Tune | Bassani Axleback |
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04-10-2010, 09:13 AM
| #26 | |
| Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Houma LA
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Try this Go to Google and type in "Find Chuck Norris" Then Click "I'm Feeling Lucky" fuckin halarious...... GO GOOGLE!!! Chuck Norris's immune system single-handedly defeated the German army. The rest of the war was just for show. Chuck Norris's hard nipples on a cold day are the best way to cut through diamond. chuck norris once impaled a man with a single one of his pubes nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole exept chuck norris he eats black holes. they taste like chicken chuck norris died 20 years ago. death just never had the guts to tell him. bruce lee killed chuck norris in the way of the dragon. to bad he died shortly after. The titanic didn't sink because of an iceberg, Chuck Norris was just out for a swim. God's favorite color is Chuck Norris. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land. Jesus died on the cross because he wanted to appear on a necklace across Chuck Norris's bare chest. The reason God called himself "God" was because "Chuck Norris" was already taken. Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he understands is the element of surprise. Go to Google and type in "Find Chuck Norris" Then Click "I'm Feeling Lucky" When people die, they go to hell. When hell dies, it goes to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip. Mr. T, Arnold Shcwarzzenger, and Chuck Norris are standing in front of God. God says to them,"I have call you three here because you are the greatest fighters in the world and I have a place for one of you at my right hand. You must prove to me whom of you it shall be." Mr. T steps and says "I pity the fool who doesn't let me sit at His right hand." God tells him that he was not good enough and sends Mr. T to hell. Arnold steps up and says "I was in predator, commando, the terminator. You must choose the governator." God tells him not good enough and sends Arnold to hell. God turns to Chuck Norris and say "Why should you sit beside me?" Chuck quickly proceeds to roundhouse kick God in the face and say "*****, your in my seat. Chuck Norris can beat Halo 3 on Legendary...with a guitar hero controller! Chuck Norris invented the tooth fairy, as a way to compensate for round house kicking everybody to the face. Chuck norris once ate a bean supream and farted, the event is now known as the 1st nuclear bomb test. Chuck Norris was suppose to have a twin brother but he did not survive chucks nine months practice of floating rondhouse kicks. Chuck Norris has had thousands of lovers, but none of them ever satisfied Chuck Norris. He realized that the only person who could ever satisfy Chuck Norris...was Chuck Norris. everytime chuck norris has sex he has to fix the hole in the wall the next morning The continets didn't drift away from each other, they just found out that chuck norris was gunna be on america so they all ran away chuck norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana Originally Chuck Norris was to play froto in Lord of the Rings but turned the job down cause only a panzy needs 3 movies to destroy jewlery. Also Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the lead role on the show 24. The producers had to fire him after he killed all of the terrorists in 10 seconds. Daddy didn't take her T-bird away... Chuck Norris did. Chuck Norris is so strong that not only does he hold the whole world in his hands, but he also holds the holds the entire univerise. There is a little Chuck Norris in everyone. No really. Listen to your inner Chuck Norris and roundhouse kick yourself in the face. Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow. Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own sh!t because Chuck Norris doesn't take sh!t from anybody Chuck Norris doesn't THROW UP after a long night of partying...He THROWS DOWN!!! Once while having sex in a trailer chuck norris's sperm accidentally got into the engine, you might know this trailer as Optimis Prime. Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice Chuck Norris invented the phrase" put a foot in your mouth" chuck norris has never kicked anyone's ass, but the mear sight of him makes you kick your own ass When God sneezes, people say Chuck Norris bless you Chuck Norris knows what Bo doesn't Do u know how giraffes were born? Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a horse in the neck! There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who never met Chuck Norris! Who would win the race between Batman and Superman to the moon???Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door Chuck Norris has 2 speeds...Walk and Kill. AIDS was specifically designed to kill chuck norris. It failed miserably. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin islands. Now there just the islands. Chuck norris destroys whole continents. Ever heard of atlantis? nuff said Devil didn't go down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal. Chuck Norris came down to hell and told him to get the **** out. Chuck Norris once went to Wendy's and ordered a Big Mac...and got one. Google no longer runs searches on Chuck Norris You dont find chuck norris, Chuck Norris finds you! Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talking about Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear. Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters, if by 'knit' you mean kick and by 'sweaters' you mean babies :] -Macy, TN Chuck Norris is the real reason Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race. Osama Bin Laden hates the USA because he is envious that Chuck Norris is there She had fun fun fun alright... until Chuck Norris showed up. Chuck Norris poops while standing up! Someone once challenged Chuck Norris to a duel... that person is now known as Captain Hook. Chuck Norris once took a very big dump...that dump is known as Mt. Everest (also, the leak he took with it is known as the Pacific Ocean). The Bible used to be called Chuck Norris and Friends. According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face...YESTERDAY!! Chuck Norris counted to infinity...............TWICE!!! The universe was created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a star in the face for being too bright. Chuck Norris' sperm is so CRaZy that one time he impregnated a chick and seven months later she gave birth to a Ford Excursion. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard in the face that that person was sent through a time rift into another dimension. That person is now known as Satan. Christopher Reeves was one of the only people to survive an encounter with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off. Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks. Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris. The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales. Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed. They say tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot. Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale. Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter. Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples. Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder. Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral. Chuck Norris speaks in all caps. The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case. Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth. Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost. There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine. The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun. Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting. Once on the filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a stunt man, his foot went so fast that it traveled back in time and kicked Amelia Earnhart in the head on her last voyage. God said "Let there be light" and Chuck Norris said "Say please". Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is. There are no bombs, chuck norris just jumps out of a hellicopter and punches the ground. When Chuck Norris pees, he clogs the toilet. There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved. Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history. Chuck Norris can say to a waitress, "can i have your number just kidding just kidding," and get it! Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball. Chuck Norris can speak Braille. When Chuck Norris wants barbecue for lunch, he finds a pig and just looks at it. When the pig looks back at Chuck Norris, it instantly turns into a barbecue sandwich with colslaw and hushpuppies. If Chuck Norris wants to go on the internet, he just stares at the monitor and keyboard. Then the computer and monitor will come on all bythemselves and the keyboard automatically types what Chuck Norris is thinking. Chuck Norris laughter is the most feared sound on earth because it can only mean that he has killed again. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, may God help you.
__________________ Shane 2011 Mustang GT Premium Performance White Sync | Shacker 500 | Rapid Spec 401A | Exterior Package 5 | California Special Valance | Boss 302 Splitter | Bama Tune | Bassani Axleback |
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04-10-2010, 09:43 AM
| #27 | |
| Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Houston, TX
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| Not Ranked : 0 score damn copy n paste much
__________________ 2008.5 CWP MS3 [Injen CAI] [CP-e Inlet] [ProSport BG] [M3M ETD] [CP-e HKS BOV][PGv3 Mani][CP-e Catted DP][JBarone SSP]
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04-10-2010, 01:11 PM
| #28 | |
 Join Date: May 2009 Location: N Las Vegas, NV
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
__________________ 2008.5 MAZDASPEED3 GT TRUE RED ***GONE***  2012 FORD MUSTANG GT >>> 400A Premium _ Performance White _ 6MT _ 3.73 _ HID & Security Pkg Koni Yellows _ Whiteline FSB & RSB _ FRPP K-Springs w/ Bump Stops, Boss 302 Strut Tower Brace, GT500 Strut Mounts, GT500 RCA, GT500-style AB J&M PHB _ Eibach Camber Bolts _ Avant Garde M510 Satin Silver 19x9.5 40ET _ Hankook Ventus S1 noble2 275/40/19 |
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04-10-2010, 03:09 PM
| #29 | |
| Miembro  Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Puerto Rico
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| Not Ranked : 0 score chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did chuck norris can clog the toilet with his pee those are my favs
__________________ 2008.5 MS3 Metro Gray...slow |
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04-21-2010, 09:33 PM
| #30 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found. Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents. Suggestions: * Run, before he finds you * Try a different person |
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04-21-2010, 09:43 PM
| #31 | |
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__________________ 2013 Mazdaspeed3 Gen2 Mods: Cobb SRI, Tip, Turbosmart BPV, Cobb AP, Cp-e DP, CPE HPFP, CPE RMM, PTP Kicker Mount | |
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04-22-2010, 06:15 AM
| #32 | |
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__________________ Shane 2011 Mustang GT Premium Performance White Sync | Shacker 500 | Rapid Spec 401A | Exterior Package 5 | California Special Valance | Boss 302 Splitter | Bama Tune | Bassani Axleback |
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04-22-2010, 05:08 PM
| #33 | |
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(Thread Starter) | Not Ranked : 0 score Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash...
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05-08-2010, 12:38 AM
| #34 | |
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| Not Ranked : 0 score ROFL....awesome thread.
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05-08-2010, 12:55 AM
| #35 | |
| I <3 your mom   Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Long Beach, CA.
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| Not Ranked : 0 score I thought this thread was gonna make fun of Chuck. Which is completely unacceptable. But, as I read I realized that these so called jokes only help to solidify his reputation as the baddest mother fucker ever in the entire history of bad mother fuckers. If KIT from knight rider ever met Chuck Norris, he'd tell hasselhoff to go fuck himself.
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05-08-2010, 01:14 AM
| #36 | |
 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Alberta
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| Not Ranked : 0 score Once, while filming walker Texas ranger, Chuck Norris came across a dead lamb. Chuck Norris rubbed the dead lamb with his beard and brought it back to life! Chuck Norris then round house kicked the lamb killing it again. It just goes to show that, "what Chuck Norris Giveth, he can Taketh away"
__________________ My mission is to go fast.  Currently Designing: The golden girdle of the gods The CF "fuck your face" IM Last edited by phantom3; 05-08-2010 at 01:14 AM. Reason: MSF Database - Automerged Doublepost | |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to phantom3 For This Useful Post: | Dash08 (05-08-2010) |
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05-08-2010, 01:26 AM
| #37 | |
| I <3 your mom Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Long Beach, CA.
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All kidding aside, Chuck Norris is a good dude.
__________________
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Dash08 For This Useful Post: | phantom3 (05-08-2010) |
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05-08-2010, 01:35 AM
| #38 | |
 Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Fontucky, California
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| Not Ranked : 0 score I use Chuck Norris sweat for motor oil and my motor hasn't blown. Beat that! |
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05-08-2010, 08:57 AM
| #39 | |
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wtf felt...FAIL lol
__________________ 2008.5 CWP MS3 [Injen CAI] [CP-e Inlet] [ProSport BG] [M3M ETD] [CP-e HKS BOV][PGv3 Mani][CP-e Catted DP][JBarone SSP]
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| The Following User Says Thank You to ZoomZoomPSSH For This Useful Post: | felt (05-08-2010) |
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05-08-2010, 10:12 AM
| #40 | |
| Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Fontucky, California
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